As we begin to explore the gifts of rejection let’s first define rejection for the purposes of this article. Essentially rejection is getting a ‘NO’ from life. We’ve all experienced this many many times and it always seems to suck right?

Not only does it ‘suck’ it can be devastating and gut wrenching. I would have to say that often rejection takes us to our core wounds like nothing else can. But why does rejection have this kind of power?

I want you to think of a time when you were rejected or told ‘no’, bring it up in your mind very clearly. Once you’ve got that memory online begin to explore what that rejection brought up for you.

First, did it show you how you may have been ‘rejecting’ parts of yourself? I see that as the most obvious insight most folks connect to. And I would say that the usefulness of considering how we may be mirrored with self-rejection via rejection from others is the first gift of rejection. Yet, I have found there is something deeper on offer. Keep that memory of rejection present and let’s go a little deeper…

The Main Gift of Rejection is How We ‘Fill in the Gap’

Pause for a moment and reflect on the rejection memory I had you retrieve. Now ask yourself “When I was rejected, what emotional feelings came up for me specifically?” Got those feelings present? Now ask, ‘What story did I create as to why I was rejected?’

I sense that when we are rejected it opens up a gap in us where we begin to question ourselves. And then we tend to immediately fill in that gap with something and that ‘something’ is usually a shame-based story of unworthiness.

For example, we begin to ask, ‘Why did they reject me? Why didn’t I get that job? What’s wrong with me? Why won’t that person requite my feelings for them? Am I not sexy, smart, handsome, healed, enlightened, worthy…ENOUGH YET? Haven’t I cleared enough issues and done enough work on myself? And herein lies the gift!

Rejection acts like a cosmic homeopathy. It triggers our system with something reminiscent of our core sense of abandonment and shame bringing that core stuff to the surface of awareness for healing. It helps us meet our core wounding in a NY minute. In that minute we are gifted with an exquisite opportunity to make contact with our wounded beliefs about ourselves and love ourselves more.

We get to explore our fears of abandonment and sense of worthlessness. We get to dialogue with our shame. And if we are willing to look at this territory in ourselves with unconditional perception, we will see that we also have feelings of rejection regarding God. We then get to explore our unconscious shame based projections onto the Divine and heal that relationship too.

So what story have you filled in the gap with when you have been rejected? What did you assume about yourself and others as to why you were rejected or told ‘no’? What did you assume about the Divine? Is God a relentless taskmaster that you must please in order to finally get a ‘yes’? Or is the Divine an unconditionally present and loving force in your life, only giving you ‘no’s’ when it serves your growth and the highest good of all?

Often times, when rejected, we fail to fill in the gap with the truth of why we got a ‘no’. Instead we default to the lies born out of our childhood neglect, abuse, parental abandonment, and indoctrinated shame based beliefs about a God we have to earn love from because of our inborn ‘original sin’ (what a bunch of B.S.!! grrrr). We also mistake someone telling us ‘no’ for God telling us ‘no’. As if a one mere mortal were our sole source of opportunities to get a ‘yes’!

Rarely do we realize the beauty, gift, and opportunity present when someone refuses to meet a need or leaves us at the ‘altar of love’. Indeed there are many opportunities available when we don’t get what we want – when we are simply told ‘no’. If the gift is to emotionally connect with your past shame and abandonment so you can make conscious the stories you believe about yourself — are you in? No, I mean it…ARE YOU IN?

That brings me to my closing thoughts regarding the gifts of rejection that I’ll offer as a few questions: What strategies do you use to avoid dealing with rejection in the first place? Have you been driven to codependently manage others so they won’t leave you/reject you? Are you driven by perfectionism so no one can reject your flawlessness? Do you people please and shape shift so everyone likes you? Are you constantly trying to be a ‘good’ person so the Divine doesn’t send its raging wrath your way or abandon you?

Ah yes, rejection indeed is a gift that keeps on giving. Whether it’s tracking your reactive strategies to avoid it, or using the experience of it to explore your deeper wounds and claim your awesomeness; my prayer is that you’ll always stay open to the gifts of rejection.


Robert Ohotto
Intuitive Life Strategist

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  • Always willing to See, Read, ‘care about you’ or join in- including travel to wherever ? Colorado, Spain, Assisi- maybe Egypt- wherever possible. I’m pretty well an electronic klutz- tho quite good at Turning On the TV and Light switches in my home… Otherwise seem to be very able to NOT get on! Suppose that goes with my personal territory….
    Love You Always Beautiful Man. You DID have to come down to ‘the Back of the Bus’ didn’t you!…….
    ‘Net/ Oz.

      • Oh! I wrote that! I had to have a ‘little laugh’ to myself when I read it. Looking Back over Life.And I’m still here, regardless of “The Slings and Arrows of Outrageous Fortune!” LIFE is for LIVING! REGARDLESS! …. So, On with the Show!

        My BIGGEST rejection that matters at the present time is that my Computer says Nup! Not Joining In.. Not Having That! to Crowdcast!!!

  • Thank you so much, again and every day, Robert. I have Chiron rising in my 1st house… and I was so busy assessing my other Children ( Orphan, Inivisible, Wounded, Adult, Empathic and Scapegoat …) that I was failing to see my Rejected Child right there in front of me. That gap, that liminal space, is our Gift, indeed

  • I have never been one to think of God as a taskmaster, or blamed God for things that happen, though I know many do; that is just the way I have always been. But I do try to look for the “why” ~ what is the lesson in this event? Sometimes it is really hard to see the reason. I will have to reexamine this one because it seems to go back to my core beliefs about myself.
    You are such a good teacher! I don’t know what happens to others when they read your articles, take your classes or watch your presentations, but for me it is like you open me up and peer right straight into the deepest parts of me. Clearly that irresistible urge to follow the Reflections link that introduced me to you made my guides jump for joy! You are the teacher I asked for and you will find my footprints on the path that you are making in front of us all. Thank you.

  • Oh! my goodness, You are new to my life and I feel I have found the embodied truth teacher I have been looking for since mine died. At this stage of my life, I have for 12 long years been rejected by my own Twin Flame. It has been the most painful, heartbreaking, growthful experience of my adult life. And brought up every one of the wounds from being an abandoned unloved and unwanted abused foster child. The changes in me are gifting me with new ways to respond to life challenges.
    My self-confidence and courage are on the rise.
    A new path has shown itself. The mountain is white and high and the path winding around the mountain, narrow.
    I am on your waiting list for a life reading and am holding a space for it to be very soon.
    I am writing my first book and it is challenging to stay with the daily discipline of writing.
    Thank you for showing up. ‘For being on Earth at this crucial time of transition. The Axil is shifting.

  • Great piece, as usual Robert!

    I keep experiencing rejection, and it is very true that it not only reflects my belief that “I am not good enough,” but also my belief that “the universe/creator” does not love me enough to want me to be happy.

    I recognise now that this is a kind of emotional manipulation of the universe by me, for example: “if you really wanted me to be happy [universe] why wouldn’t you let me have this opportunity or this romantic partner? you obviously want me to be miserable and don’t care about me!” In some insane way, I expected this to force the universe to change its mind – PROVE THAT YOU LOVE ME lol

    I definitely need to rebuild my connection and trust in my own worthiness and in my relationship with Source.

  • I don’t know enough about any of this except to say… your observations and wisdom reasonated with me. Wow, how quickly rejection turns inward as scarcity, ouch.
    Thank you,

  • Robert, I value your insights. I came into life experiencing rejection only weeks in the womb. Yes it has been a very long journey for me to deal with the abandonment of a father I will never know. And a mother who was riddled with shame she took to her grave. I love your message of wisdom and guidance, Donna

  • Wow Robert!. As usual so bang on!!…. Right when I was just dealing in a self righteous way with a rude rejection from my 30 year old adult child and was about to respond to her with a partly co-dependant self righteous controlling parent guilt trip …I read this!!!
    Wow…. Thank you so very much xx

  • Amadísimo Robert ! Qué manera en la que me llevaste a contactar con mi herida de rechazo! Tenía un hermano 4 años mayor a mi y era mi héroe pero él siempre era cruel conmigo. Tu pregunta sobre qué historia hice sobre mi es que era tonta! No sabes cuánto lloré al mirarlo, tengo 62 años y nunca lo había visto! Tenía tan oculto eso! Ahora veo porqué tanta apariencia y máscaras me he puesto para evitar esa vergüenza! No entendí hasta ahora porqué no podía tomar todo mi poder, hoy gracias a ti lo comprendo. Hoy abrazo a esa pequeña de 5 años y le digo que está todo bien, amo a esa parte que se cree tonta y que hoy dejo de exigirle tener que agradar a los demás, que ella me agrada, que es fascinante y muy lista, que la amo no importando qué!!!! Gracias por sanarme, gracias, gracias, gracias!

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